tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
