Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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