3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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