I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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