he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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