I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
