If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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