Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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