never play flip cup with pint glasses
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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