my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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