yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You pole danced in your parka.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
