I hate your face
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is Oprah even human
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
