I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
