used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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