I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
