I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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