y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
