in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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