bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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