you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You are a genius and a whore.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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