similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
