Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
