I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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