I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
