Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
