he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
