I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
