I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
