I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
