I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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