woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
