recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
