I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
