My hand turned me down
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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