so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
