please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
