Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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