Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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