I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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