I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
