So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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