I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
