We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
