I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
