Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
