***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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