I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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