Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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