the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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