i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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