if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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