In the future we'll all be gay
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
