Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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