We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
