ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
